Feeling Capable

As a writer, there are days I feel so clever and legit. Those are the days I allow myself to imagine an end to the day job (and all the correcting of others’ writing that being a full time  language arts teacher entails) and the beginning of a full time writing career that takes me into my retirement years.

I see myself sitting on panels and playing goofy games on stages at cons. I picture myself wearing “Presenter” badges all across America (instead of "Attendee" badges). I picture my agent and a publishing deal and seeing my books on the end shelves at Target.

Then there are days I feel like a dense sham. I suspect my work is okay, even good. But all of those pie-in-the-sky dreams feel out of reach. Silly, even.

Alas.

For the third year, I am keeping track of my writing life in this journal: 

It starts with several pages of reflection and goal setting, which I like. I have to admit, my pattern is to overestimate the amount of work I'll do in a year. By the end of the year, I will have finished my January-February writing goals. But the outline of the story I've made each year has worked as a roadmap. I'm on the path, moving in the right direction, and I know where I'm headed. I just don't make the progress my optimistic January self thinks is possible. 

This year, my main writing goals are:

* To finish draft 1 of Lio and Lamb: Haven

I had hoped to accomplish this in January and February, as March and April will be filled with the spring musical. But January is almost done and the musical has already started. It might be my summer goal.

* To refine my character arcs

"Refine" actually means "make them happen." Thanks to a class I took at The Loft last November/December, I have some good ideas jotted down. Right now, my characters are too similar. Probably too much like me, to be honest. I need to complicate and gunk and weird them up. 

* Deep revision on Aco

I need to use the advice  Matt Bialer offered in his critique to do more than surface level revision. I'll concentrate on making decisions about POV characters, examining chapter length, and introducing the main plot more clearly/earlier. He also voiced an interest in a small, throwaway detail that I've decided to amp up in the earlier volumes so it will resonate later.

With hope, I will move along the path toward my goals and feel even more capable when I fill out my goals for 2020-2021.